On Being A Father
© Lee Wise All rights reserved
Having a child make make me a father,
but only by having a good heart
will I ever be the father I should be.
On Being A Father
Godly Parenting
Godly Parenting
© Lee Wise All rights reserved
A lifetime quest to know God
and share His best with those
you know and love the most.
Avoiding The Pitfalls Of Being An Insensitive Dad
Hi,
I wrote this a while back, had reason to review it today, and decided to share.
The best to you in all things,
Lee
Avoiding The Pitfalls Of Being An Insensitive Dad
© Lee Wise All rights reserved
I WAS AMAZED
I could hardly believe what I was hearing. A father and
his son had entered the men’s room. While I was washing my
hands, I listened as the father wielded a series of
demanding and demeaning statements at his son as if they
were swords in a battle for … who knows what?
And all about going to the bathroom quickly!
It was the perfect victory. The enemy (the son) had been
slain. The battle was won. The general had summoned his
one-man army to do his bidding.
It was also totally and completely ridiculous. There was
no consideration for the feelings or physical needs of
the young person.
The “bad boy” had won the day — and the bad boy was not
the son.
It was the son’s insensitive dad.
I WAS SADDENED AND ANGRY
This incident occurred while on vacation. I loved vacation
except for one aspect: watching fathers deal with their
children.
I was sad.
And I was angry.
The “interesting” thing was that when I related this
observation to my daughter and son-in-law, they proceeded
to share with me *their* same discouragement while they were
on a recent trip to a theme park.
Their message was the same:
“We had a great time.
The only discouraging thing was
seeing dads with their children.”
I AGREE: IT’S NOT EASY
I am a father and I would be among the first to declare that
raising children is not an easy task.
Parts of it are rough.
Real rough.
I would also be quick to admit the times I have failed as a
father.
But I do hope that no one has ever said this about me after
observing my relationship with either my children or grand-
children:
“We saw the most discouraging thing today.
This guy was a jerk. The way he treated those kids was
awful.
No respect. No honor.
Only demands and unrealistic expectations. I tell ya,
it was sad.”
WE KNOW THERE IS A BETTER WAY
Let me be quick to add: all is not bad. I have seen many
loving, caring fathers throughout the years. I *love*
watching those types of dads relate to their children. It
is one of my personal delights in life 
With that in mind, I am offering a few simple suggestions
for a better way: a better way for fathers to relate to
their children than the two negative examples I have shared
with you.
I will center my suggestions on five themes:
1. Consideration
2. Respect
3. Humility
4. Compassion
5. Love
Two comments as I transition into my suggestions:
*You will quickly discover that this will not be a long
and drawn out discussion of these themes. Enjoy.
*Many of the points will be shared through using simple
“affirmations” — or descriptive comments if you
please. These affirmations will help you personalize
what is said.
So…
We have discussed a few of the “bad boy” characteristics.
Let’s turn our attention to five characteristics of the
“good boys.” That is, men who are determined *not* to be
thought of as “one of those insensitive dads.”
CONSIDERATION
Consideration says…
“I adjust my expectations according to the needs, maturity
level and emotional capabilities of the child I am relating
to at the moment.”
Because of the important aspects of the statement you just
read, I’m going to repeat it and break it down for you.
That’s my part.
Yours will be to reflect on each aspect as you read it one
more time. Reflect on it through the lens of how you would
have liked to be treated as a young-person-in-the-making.
“I adjust
My expectations
According to
The needs,
Maturity level
And emotional capabilities
Of the child
I am relating to
At the moment.”
RESPECT
Respect says…
“I see this person entrusted to my care as one who is worthy
of my honor, approval and love.”
This mental stance provides for me a frame. A frame I wrap
around my child *to begin with.* The child is worthy of my
honor, approval and love — from the beginning.
It is a part of the package each child should *sense* in me
from “Day One” so-to-speak.
HUMILITY
Humility says…
“Because I am still learning, I give my child space and time
to learn.”
“Because I still fail, I forgive and support my child when
he or she fails.”
“Because I respond poorly when people are angry with me for
reasons I do not understand, I resist all uncontrolled and
self-centered anger when dealing with my child.”
COMPASSION
Compassion says…
“I am a ‘show and tell’ person.
*I show my child I care.
*I tell my child I care.”
“I strive to be gentle, not harsh.”
“I care and my child senses it.”
LOVE
Love says… all of the above.
A DISCLAIMER
Let me make something perfectly clear: children can — and
do — hurt their parents: good parents.
Parents who in a very real sense lay down their lives for
their kids and still get kicked in the guts while trying to
help their children be happy and succeed in life.
These parents know a special kind of pain. A pain that no
one really wants to understand. I salute those parents.
You may be one of them.
So my disclaimer is…
*I realize this is a two-sided fence
*My purpose is not to add guilt to a conscience
already plagued by the “Why’s” of their child’s
bad attitudes and behavior — in spite of hundreds
of hours of trying to do what’s right.
Rather, if you happen to be one of those parents –
and especially a dad since that is the topic of these
comments — I want you to hear these words:
“I thank you for trying.”
I thank you for trying and for the lonely hours
you have spent that only you, and possibly your
spouse — and God — knows about…
The tears. The heartache and the pain that goes
on and on as each new report surfaces about some
action or attitude your child has displayed.”
For those times, tears and heartache — I reflect
to you my appreciation. And I’m sure I
represent only one of many voices that would
echo the same to you if they could.
Therefore, review these comments and take note
of each positive thing you have done. Take a
bow. You deserve it.”
Yours for a day filled with beautiful moments in time,
Lee
___________________________
© Lee Wise All rights reserved. You may freely distribute
this article. However, the copyright box in Signature Two
must be used when you do so (See Signature Boxes page)
On Being A Good Dad…
Hi,
Just posted this on my other blog about being a
a good father and thought I’d share it here.
Enjoy,
Lee
On Being A Good Dad…
© Lee Wise All rights reserved
It’s a lot about guts
And a lot less about glory.
It’s more about love
Than it is about getting loved in return.
It’s a lot about caring
Even when caring is way beyond cool.
And it’s a whole bunch about time:
Time, and time, and time again.
Dads, Daughters and Listening
Hi,
I’m shifting gears a bit today and sharing something which I wrote on a while ago: the importance of dads taking the time and making the commitment to listen — really listen — to their daughters.
Of course, the same would be true for dads and their sons!
However, I’m the proud dad of three daughters. I treasure being a dad: it’s an indescrible honor.
With that being said, I trust a few of my thoughts will be meaningful to you.
The best to you in Jesus,
Lee
Daughters, Dads And Listening
© Lee Wise All rights reserved
“Thanks, dad. Thanks for listening. I always knew I could
come to you.”
Last month a strange and not entirely unexpected guest made
his way into my life.
“Sixty” sauntered in, quite confident of his admittance I
might add, caring little how I felt.
Being sixty can mean…
Briskly heading toward the men’s room quicker than I might
choose,
Staring in disbelief at the “fright night like” creature
squinting back at me from the torture chamber (my mirror)
while remembering the kid wearing a swimsuit who stopped
the clock soon enough to place second in state,
Wondering if the time ever existed when I didn’t need to see
*someone* related to *something* about an obscure (or not so
obscure) part of my physical being,
And being grateful for hearing a set of words similar to the
ones you read during the last sixty seconds:
“Thanks, dad.
Thanks for listening.
I always knew I could come to you.”
My friend and father of one or more daughters: I beg you.
I beg you…
Please, please read the following statement carefully,
thoughtfully and if so inclined prayerfully:
You may be sad for good advice not received,
but make every effort — every effort –
not to fail at listening to your daughter.
Tears come in many shapes and sizes, but few carry more
emotional weight than tears of regret.
Strive to lessen your tears of regret and increase the
future possibility of expressing tears of joy for the hours,
days and years of careful listening to the daughter of your
youth.
Listen when she’s down — no matter how long it takes.
Listen when she wants to build a snow tunnel, take a walk,
go to the zoo, watch her routine for the color guard, pay
attention as she plays the flute, and pick her up when she’s
scared.
Listen when life treats her well. Share the joys, freakish
highs, and every level of joyful emotion in between.
Listen to the story of her life in grade three because you
want her to tell you a whole lot more when she’s twenty-
three, thirty-three and forty-three.
Listen when she feels unlovely. Take just enough time to
let her know in no uncertain terms how lovely she is to you.
Listen when the guy’s been a jerk, and don’t jerk her
bruised emotional chain while she’s down. Care, listen, and
care yet more.
Listen when she needs you to listen more than you need your
emotional space.
Listen when she questions your standards, beliefs, judgment
and even your love. Listen and pray — like a drowning man
in turbulent waters — because of your need to carefully
respond instead of carelessly react.
Listen when she needs a friend more than a father.
Listen when she says “I’m sorry.” Listen and forgive. Be a
man of grace as opposed to a man with a large set of rules
and a small heart.
Listen when an emergency apparatus is needed which she
anticipates using with great regularity. When you hear,
“Dad, can you go to the store for me?” … just go. Yes,
even when you find yourself trying to discover a box “with
wings.”
Listen when she wants you to hold her hand while walking
down the street. Listen, because life will seem unusually
short when she takes your arm to meet another special,
younger man at the end of a very long aisle. And should she
request to indlude a muscial piece with two words in the
title (“Butterfly” and “Kisses”), prepare by playing the
song advance, dad. Believe me, you’ll need the prep time.
Listen when you answer the phone and she asks: “Dad, can I
talk to mom?” Don’t hesitate. Get mom. Let her know you
respect her need to “talk girl talk.” Get this, dad: a
girl’s heart comes super sized for life. Her heart can
handle more than one person in its chambers.
Listen when you hear the sounds of love she expresses to her
own child, when life spits out more pain than she
anticipated at age sixteen, and when she asks for your
prayers.
Listen.
Care.
Love.
And listen some more.
Listen till you hear…
“Thanks, dad.
Thanks for listening.
I always knew I could come to you.”
You will not regret it. I promise you.
You will not regret paying the price to hear those words.
_____________________________________________
© Lee Wise All rights reserved. You may freely distribute
this article. However, copyright box Number One must be used
when you do so (See Signature Boxes page)
